V-Day Vexes

February 14th is the ultimate example of a holiday bred specifically for commercialism. Though Hallmark may have had little to do with it, they’ve sure made a killing for the past 60 years or so.

The fact is that although historians know that a St. Valentine existed, none are exactly sure who he was or what he did. Before the lover’s lover though, the holiday was far from a celebration of a spiritual
love. In 5th century Rome, they celebrated the god of wolves as part of an overall empire-wide party for the founders of Rome, Romulus and Remus. A lottery, held on the 15th, had men picking women’s names from
a box. The so-chosen would be obligated to the man sexually for the remainder of the year. PARTY!!!

Somewhere down the line, the Catholic church banned the lottery, put a downer on the first toga parties, invented chalky stale heart candies and use divine intervention to skyrocket the price of roses for three
days a year. What’s left is a holiday that makes women highly competitive, guilt producing machines that reduce their gullible, loving husbands/boyfriends into mere shells of the masculine shapes they take throughout the rest of the year.

That being said, I love you Mashelle and I’ll take care of dinner (but you already knew that).