Blade: Trinity

When film makers want to deceive you into believing a sequel is a
new movie, they like to use little words in the title to redirect your
focus, somehow convincing you that it will be a fresh look at old
characters. Most sequels will use creative subtitles and jam a little
colon between the two, which will typically provide some sort of
rundown or summary of the plot. Blade: Trinity does neither. Trinity,
for those non-religious types means ‘three’. For Blade, save for there
being 3 main characters, the word Trinity does nothing but reveal that
it’s a third movie, that likely should have been stereotypically staked
before pen stroked paper.

Wesley Snipes
returns as the hybrid day-walking vampire, inwardly troubled and
outwardly slaying blood suckers across the world with an arsenal that
would make that ‘other’ Trinity jealous. A raggedy Kris Kristofferson returns as Blade’s aging partner and mentor, Whistler. New faces include Whistler’s illegitimate daughter, hottie Jessica Biel and Van Wilder himself Ryan Reynolds clearly the comic relief. Parker Posey appears as Danica, a dirty little vampire vixen who helps to revive the first of their kind…yeah, Dracula. Lame.

Here’s
how things boil down. Blade and Whistler are busy doing what they do,
eliminating the vampire threat as best they can, sometimes one vamp at
a time, whatever it takes. On the other side of the world, a vampire
clique has discovered the whereabouts of the original vampire in a
Sumarian tomb. As it turns out, Dracula was just taking a nap and was
surprisingly easy to wake. The idea is to send this buffed up movie
cliche out to kill Blade and rid the world forever of the slayer. In
addition, they want to know Dracula’s secret, now known as Drake,
because like Blade, he too is able to survive in sunlight.

Beyond
having a few hundred plot holes big enough to drive a semi through, the
movie was just laughable. Most of the time I felt like I either paid 10
bux for a 2 hours long Apple I-Pod commercial or I was stuck in a loop
of Rambo gearing up, 20 minutes worth of watching characters strap on
guns, knives and various vampire slaying weapons, topping it off with
the signature I-Pod headphones…no joke.

In the end, none of
the new characters were fleshed out very well. The action was present
but certainly nothing new. Blade, known for being succint and blunt
ends up having way too much dialogue as if he’s opening up his
subconscious to a psychiatrist. The blazing ashy effect of each
vampire’s demise, unique to this series ends up being overused and
boring as does the idea that even Blade sometimes needs help. There’s
simply too many storylines, too much blabber and not enough focus to
make for a good action movie. A few good laughs, such as a vampire
pomeranian pooch, prevent this from being completely undead, but
laughter is out of place and uncharacteristic for this genre.

Should you still find the need to finish off the series, ask yourself the following questions: